untittled.

 

2021. 

 

and i am still alive.

but fragile.

 

so many things happened to me so far, yet i am still here. updating my blog.

 

this past few years, pandemic just hits the world. many things were affected. physically, emotionally and not less than that, economy. but i am still grateful. i still have the jobs, got food to eat. i still got my friends. but why i am still feel lonely? it`s just too private to state here. 

i believe that everyone has their own struggle, including me. 

 

i have to admit that i have to struggle everyday. i don't feel like i am good enough. to someone, to everybody. i feel like i am a burdened to everyone. lingering around with my unsettled feeling. i have to keep avoiding my love ones. i don't want them to keep getting hurt with my behavior. i am not ready to face everyone. i come to work with my unstable feeling. keep crying everyday. it's suffocated. 

 

 that is me, everyday. 

 

did anyone understand my feeling?

 

i don't think so. they will think that i am crazy and need to seek for help. i don't want all that. i just need someone to understand me. i am traumatized with losing someone that i love, including my mom. 

 

 

 

awkward...

hye, it's been a while since this blog has spoken out her voice.

eceh.

nothing much, cuma sekarang fokus pada kerjaya. eceh lagi. banyak kerja. stress itu ada. kalau takde tu tipu nak mam sebab mana ada kerja yang tak stress.

kadang2 perasaan insecure ni susah nak buang.
ada sahaja benda yang nak difikir walaupun kau sedang berada di zon yang selesa.

well that's what we called human and life.

bye. good nite

hari ni pada tahun lepas genap setahun mama pergi.

tak tahu hari ni, detik detik terakhir cakap dengan mama, jumpa mama melekat macam gam dekat kepala ni. orang kata:

"WEI, DAHLAH, JANGAN DIKENANG ORANG YANG DAH TAKDE."

"BE STRONG"

"SEDEKAHKAN ALFATIHAH"

terima kasih pada yang mengingatkan.

terkilan. banyak benda.

first, tak dapat nak bawak mama pergi tengok konvo aku. hari yang paling dia nak tengok.
second, tak sempat nak tunjuk kat mama yang aku dah kerja.
third, dulu masa sekolah aku teringin nak bawak mama jalan2, aku yang drive, aku yang belanja dia.
after all this while, mama yang selalu belanja aku.

bye. alfatihah untuk mama.